What is Wrong With People?

To say it’s been a strange “dating” week would be an understatement.

On a dating site, I was messaging a guy with a fake tan (automatic deduction) when things went south fast. I suspected this would happen as he opened our conversation with “Looking good sweetie!” and I hate that crap, but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt.

There are four photos in my profile. One at home, one of me traveling, one in a blue dress at a party, and one of me dressed as The Great, Revered, One and Only Ruth Bader Ginsberg. The man asked “So that’s you in the blue dress?”

“Yes” I answered. And then the conversation went this way (to clarify, people often ask “what are you looking for?” to suss out whether the other person is looking for something serious, or just a casual date situation.)

His comments are in yellow…

 

I have very little patience for the How recent are your photos? question because here’s the thing; My profile says that I am 42, and I look 42 in my photos. End of story. When men ask how old the photos are, they’re really asking what this guy is getting at, which is essentially,  “Have you gotten fat since you took that picture?”

Then at the same time, I got this message on another dating site. I have edited it in photoshop because the original words are so offensive I didn’t even want to share them on my blog.

His words are in the pale gray…

 

To be clear, I took neither of these strange exchanges personally. These guys are horrible people and I hope they burn in a fiery end, but their comments are not about me or anything I’ve done. The first is a shallow as&*ole, and the second just has some serious women-hating issues.

Meanwhile, I was messaging this week with a guy named Mark who seemed slightly more promising. He’s the executive director of a non-profit (I think a homeless shelter), has two small sons, is liberal, misses Obama (what sane person doesn’t), etc.

None of these things matter aside from the liberalism, I’m just painting a picture.

I hate the way he messaged me however. Saying things like “How R U” and other statements with “hip” abbreviations that require deciphering. I hate that stuff. Slow down and write a sentence out. Also, punctuation exists for a reason.

I week ago, I messaged another guy who talked in his profile about his love of the mountains and water. So I told him some random fact about me, loosely related to something mentioned in his profile, and then I asked about his love of the mountains. “In what way do you enjoy it? Hiking? Skiing?”

His response to my five sentence attempt at a conversation starter was “I love nature”

And that was it. So I responded “I love lamp!”

He deleted me shortly after and that’s ok because, pardon my vulgarity but I am, as they say, out of fucks to give.

 

So back to Mark the idiot executive.

He tells me he likes my directness and says “We should meet”

“Sure!” I tell him, “I have plans this weekend with my mom and I don’t know specifically when, but when I do, I can let you know when I’m free. Assuming this weekend works for you?”

“I have boys til Thursday. Kids ok?”

Um, what? I don’t understand. Does he want to bring the kids on the date? And also, this two-word sentence thing is too much work for me.

When I ask him to clarify, he says “Is the fact that I have kids OK with you?”

Now, we’ve been chatting on an off for a few days and I knew from the beginning that he had kids. “If I wasn’t OK with it I would have mentioned it a while ago. I mean, it complicates things but that doesn’t mean we can’t meet for coffee!”

“We should meet”

“Are you drunk? I said I’m free this weekend and can be more specific as soon as I know.”  I know, a bit of a rude response but WHAT THE HELL, SIR, READ MY WORDS!

“I love your directness. OK just let me know when you do”

I think I already said I would do that.

{Biggest eyeroll in the world followed by a sigh}

OK, so a day later I message “Hey Mark! So, I can do lunch Saturday or Sunday. Or I could do coffee in the afternoon on Sunday too. Let me know where you’d like to meet and when!”

A few hours later I get “Sunday would work”

Awesome. “For lunch? For coffee? Where would you like to meet?”

I look up the first place he suggests (with no time suggested I’ll add) and learn that it’s been permanently closed. So I respond letting him know about the closing and suggest “How about Rockafellas at 1PM?”

Yesterday he messaged me with “Where is Rockafellas in Salem I know I’ve walked by it before.”

It would appear that with his punctuation skills, his Google search abilities are also not existent.

I’ve had it with the hand-holding at this point, so I tell him “You’ll have to Google it. I don’t know off the top of my head.”  Now, of course I can look in my phone but I’ve already done too much for this lazy individual and I’m not lifting another finger.

So last night I regaled my girlfriends over dinner about this guy and how underwhelmed I am, but knowing I’ll give it a shot anyway. Maybe he’s different in person, and I don’t have plans on Saturday either, so why not. (For those of you observant ones, the day of the date changed from Sunday to Saturday)

This morning I took a shower for my date and got my day going. I logged on to the dating site Bumble to suggest to Mark that we meet outside the restaurant today, and…

He’d deleted our conversation. So no more date. He just disappeared.

I texted Dori about it and she said “So like, date cancelled? Why didn’t he just cancel the date?”

And I responded with “Well, he’s proven himself to not be very smart, so, he probably couldn’t find the words. Or the punctuation”

Mostly I’m annoyed that I bothered to shower this morning.