3:40am and to say I’m frustrated would be an understatement. I woke at 2:20, used the bathroom and now here I am, my mind going in all directions.

I have tried at least twenty times to use a technique that has worked for me in the past; starting at a high number like 600 and counting backwards.

I Consistently tangent off, thinking about a work assignment, then wondering why I haven’t heard from the guy I had a really nice date with recently, then on to upcoming travel, and a symposium I need to pay the registration fee for, then the lens I need to retrieve from a coworker before Monday night’s late Beanpot final, and how to get more clients for Cydney Scott Photography.

And on and on.

Wait, what number was I on?

I bought a new alarm clock that has a light that replicates sunrise when you tell it to and has nature sounds. I really want to get rid of my phone bedside since I often pick it up and look around online, even in the dead of night.

I know this isn’t good for my brain or my sleep.

I turn the nature sounds on from the new clock, but unfortunately it runs on about a five second loop, and now the rhythm of the repeating raindrops has me distracted rather than slipping back into unconsciousness.

Knowing that working-out can help improve sleep, not to mention my mood, I’ve been trying to get to the gym more often. I was excited to get there yesterday after work, and I set my insulin pump hours beforehand so that my sugars would be high enough to give me some wiggle room. (Type one diabetic’s burn sugar when we exercise, so if it’s too low when you begin your exercise you risk having a severe hypoglycemic reaction). As I entered the gym I checked my pump to discover that despite my efforts, and even eating something before leaving the office and heading out the door, my sugars were too low. I had to abandon my gym visit.

About three months ago I started taking Unisom regularly. It made a huge difference. I would wake in the night, but very easily drowsily fall back to sleep. But I’ve also found my brain to be a bit soupy during the day, I have trouble finding words sometimes, or keeping my train of thought, despite feeling much more rested and sane.

Wondering if it might be the Unisom causing it, I decided to take a night off. And now here I am, laying in bed, dictating into my phone, equal parts wide awake and exhausted.

Now what to think about next? I feel the state of the planet, my aloneness in it, and the nightmare that is our political system creeping in.

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