Sorry, But You Asked for This

Dear Humans of Planet Earth,

How are you guys doing? You doing OK? No? Well sorry about that but it’s just the way it has to be right now. You kind of asked for it.

The thing is, you’ve been treating this planet like crap for generations. Stripping it of its resources for your own selfish needs. That Greta kid was born too late (not that you listen to her anyway. What a bunch of know-it-alls you are.)

There’s just too many of you on this orb. Natural disasters do an OK job in eliminating some of you, and I like the lack of specificity in those. Anyone can die in a typhoon, hurricane or tornado! But we need a serious culling, and you clever brats keep finding cures for the diseases I send specifically to control the population.

Congratulations. You’re real smart. Now if you survive, STOP recycling absolutely everything and thinking you’re doing the right thing, releasing “remembrance” balloons into the atmosphere (your dead loved one doesn’t see them anyway and those balloons are choking wildlife), and eating so much red meat (you just don’t need to be consuming that much of it!)

As you are already aware, I’m bringing you coronavirus. (If you have not heard of this please go wash your hands while singing Happy Birthday twice and then go visit the CDC website. I’ll wait right here).

It’s not cool of me, I know, but I really think you all need to be knocked down a peg or two. I’m aiming for the weaker folks because as I mentioned, you insist on developing cures for the conditions they have when I specifically designed them to help keep the crowds low.

As for aiming for people over sixty? Well, I feel bad about Polio so I guess I’m taking it to the extreme in the other direction. (Yeah, about Polio, that was mean of me – going after kids and only kids. I was arrogant back then and going through a phase. It was petty of me and I have felt bad about it for a long time).

And yes, I know I’m reducing a generation who fought in wars and collected rubber and scrap metal when times were hard but I don’t know what to tell you.

I can’t please everyone!

And you know how a bunch of you think PTSD is a bunch of bull? Well, when this is all over you naysayers are really gonna get a taste of it. Maybe that will shut you up. Let’s see how much you like crowding into the bars then, idiots!

I’d say “Hang in there!” but I actually don’t want you to. My job is to keep the planet healthy. So instead I’ll say that while I know you may not understand it right now, I’m doing this for you.

Mother Nature

** This letter does not represent the feelings and opinions of the blog writer. She thinks this is bullshit. **

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: