Proud Again?

To be blunt, I worried Biden would be assassinated and I simply didn’t want to see it. I set my TV to record the inauguration and went to campus today to photograph a construction site, get my weekly COVID test, stop at the grocery store then head home for lunch.

I sat in front of my TV with my salad (don’t be impressed, the amount of stress-eating I’ve been doing is of epic proportions) turned on the TV and saw now-VP Kamala Harris being sworn in. OK, I thought, I’m here. It’s historic. I’ll watch.

I felt numb to be honest. I don’t know why.

Then Biden stepped up to be sworn in and this wave came over me. I dropped my fork onto my plate and burst into tears. Relief. Such relief!

I was reminded in this moment how incredibly ashamed I have been to be an American these past four years. I had no pride for my country. No faith in its leadership. I can feel that it could now come back. Slowly.

Another weird thing happened today; As Biden gave his speech he began to stammer at one point. My first thought was that someone had poisoned him and it was just hitting him now.

Then I remembered he is a stutterer and I could breath again.

I mean, what kind of going to a dark place crap was that?! A friend of mine said “That’s what they’ve done to us”

I have been dealing with the stress of this world we’re living in by (eating too much and) taking on learning how to make french macarons. So far I have failed. I mean, my efforts look cute, but I now realize after buying some at Trader Joe’s today for comparison, they are all too chewy. Perhaps this wasn’t the best activity to take-up right now since I keep failing over and over? I have gone through too many eggs because they wouldn’t not come to stiff peaks. I have read countless articles, talked to friends who make them for a living.

I guess it’s just something to focus on. Perhaps I shouldn’t have chosen something that makes me feel like a failure! Ha!

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