One of the biggest challenges of online dating, and I’m sure I’ve said it before, is that most men don’t seem to know how to do it. It’s necessary to establish some kind of banter, or ask questions to get the conversation going, and yet nine time out fo ten I’m asking questions of them and they are answering with no follow-up for me. They seem perfectly happy to share about themselves but seem to have no interest in knowing me.
If you don’t want to know me, don’t respond to my message at all. It’s not complicated.
The other day I had such a situation (again). I messaged a match and asked a question. He answered the question and I provided a follow-up comments and questions (all about his hobby of salsa dancing What do you love about salsa dancing? Is it a deal breaker if your date doesn’t know how to do it?). Not once did he respond with a question for me. So finally, I’d had enough and for (I believe) the first time, I let the guy know…
“Cool Well, I’m not going to keep the conversation going with more questions since you don’t seem interested to ask anything about me so I’ll wish you best of luck!”
He actually responded which surprised me, “Hey sorry I had a bad day yesterday. People didn’t show up to work had to cover Can we chat later today after work around 8pm?”
I wasn’t quite sure what to do with that since I didn’t expect a response. Still, I answered, “While the apology was unneeded I appreciate it. A constant stream of communication is not what I’m looking for, but it’s surprising how often I ask questions and simply get answers, rather than the other person showing some curiosity about me. So it’s not just you! I’m sorry to hear you had such a rough day. I hope you’re week improves. If you’d like to be in touch that would be nice. If not, that’s OK too. Thanks again for responding – Cydney”
Now, before you read on, ask yourself, How would I have responded to Cydney’s message? (and yes, you might also think – You misused the word “you’re”, Cyd!) Had I received this message, I may have responded with some variation of “I would like to get to know you – tell me something about yourself!” Some note that implies I am capable of asking about the other person.
Instead, I got this response from him.
“My biggest problem now is finding help to work . Looking forward to find extra help to make things easier”
Uh, yeah. This man is not learning. I can’t make this stuff up.