Harlow is better but not great.
I spent my day pacing around my house and alternating between whimpering and full-on bawling. I recommend this practice to all as it can be very cleansing. It’s just that I was doing a lot of it today as I got some stuff done while also imagining the worst case scenarios.
What can I say, I’m a keen multitasker.
As I have gotten older, I’ve become much better at not worrying about things. I simply put them aside until there is truly something to worry about.
But not today, people! I let NOTHING get in the way of my catastrophizing!
I would hear a noise in the house and then cry when I realized it wasn’t Harlow. I imagined she was dead already, or that she was surely going to die. What if she dies and she’s alone? What if I am not with her? I have to be with her when she goes! That’s my job as a dog owner. They privilege you with their love, you honor them by staying with them. Until the end.
I imagined my life without her and then burst into tears at the thought of it. I imagined it was cancer and that it came about because she was a nervous puppy and rather than medicate her earlier, I just let her be nervous which lead to cancer. I carried her elephants around (but only for a little bit). I thought about how she now needs a new car seat cover but maybe it would jinx things if I went and bought a new one today while I was out. So I didn’t.
The doctor called me back around 3PM. They have not figured out what’s wrong with her but they started her on IV fluids and ruled out some things which were possibilities. An ultrasound and maybe even an MRI(?) found nothing wrong with her digestive tract. Her blood work was good. She has a bit of protein in her urine, which can happen with dehydration. Her high temperature has gone back to normal (hurray!), and she has no obvious signs of cancer, bloat, or parasites.
But when the doctor administered anti-nausea meds and she kept vomiting, he got concerned. He asked them to do a second ultrasound which again, resulted in nothing. Which I guess is good?
The next step is to test her blood and check her cortisol levels. If they are low (or high? not sure which), she could have Addison’s disease which is manageable.
The vet talked with me at length, with I appreciated. I asked if she could have eaten something poisonous, then promptly realized this would not explain the 12 pound weight loss (Oh, this afternoon I came across her last vet visit paperwork which said she was 67 pounds in late June which means she’s lost a whopping 12 pound since then). Dog Owner of the Year for not noticing that little trim-down situation.
He seemed concerned that she can’t seem to stop vomiting, and if the corizol levels are not the problem, they have to think of something else. But what are my options? Have her come home and puke until she dies?
So that’s where we are right now. She is stuck sleeping in some weird smelling crate for a few nights with tubes coming out of her and lame roommates. I asked the vet if I could come down and bring her something to be in her crate with her. He said sure, but noted that things often go missing in the hospital. I shuffled through things and decided that Lion would be sacrificed to the cause. I sat on it the whole way down to try and get some familiar smell on it.
The worst part of the conversation was the end when he asked “I have to ask. If she goes into cardiac arrest do you want us to resuscitate her?” I faltered here. Is it excessive? I have no clue. It seems excessive, but I also can’t imagine being regretful for having them try. Assuming that they would know when their life-saving measures were getting extreme in that moment, I said “Yes. Resuscitate her.”
I hope my strong girl hangs on until she gets more strength and they figure out what’s going on.
And we have a storm rolling in tonight.
She doesn’t like storms.