Who would be idiotic enough to try yet again?
Last night I went on a first date with a guy I met, you guessed it, online. I appreciated the fact that he asked questions and attempted to engage in actual conversation via the dating app. This is a rarity.
On the way to the date I envisioned him disagreeing bluntly to something that I said. That I might state some type of knowledge about something, and he would flatly say I was wrong. I don’t know where the concern or “viison” came from.
When I arrived at the bar, he asked how the drive was. I told him it wasn’t bad at all and predicted “I think maybe people are still on vacation!”
“That’s not true.” he said flatly.
Cool. Off to a great start!
Yesterday, I tested for COVID in the morning because I’ve had sniffles for the last four days or so. I messaged him earlier in the day “I’ve tested negative this morning but I still am sort of sniffly. Are you OK with still getting together?” Because perhaps he doesn’t want to sit next to someone with a cold.
He was fine with that, but as we sidled up to the bar he said with what seemed to me to be a bit of judgement, “So you tested this morning. People still do that? Why?”
I tried and likely failed to hide my incredulity, “because I don’t want to spread it?”
I was unimpressed the day before when he told me via the dating app that he only masks while traveling “as a courtesy” if he’s not feeling well. I should have cancelled then, because it seems dumb to me to travel without masking up.
I concentrated on being open and friendly. I didn’t want this weird start to throw me off. I payed attention to having open body language, smiling. All that dumb shit you have to do.
He asked me about other people I’d met on the app and I told him I hadn’t used it in many years since I met a man who I dated briefly and found to just be unkind. “Well, what do you mean?” he asked.
“He was mean.” I responded as my date looked at me blankly. This is not rocket science, “I stopped dating him because he said mean things to me.”
And rather than saying “That sucks, I’m sorry that happened to you!” or even just changing the subject, he questioned me “And you didn’t get any sense of this when you were messaging with him?”
I told him that the guy was perfectly nice during the brief pre-date messaging. Also not rocket science; people edit who they are. If he was a jerk during the messaging phase I obviously wouldn’t have met up with him.
My date spent the next hour and fifteen asking lots of questions, including;
When was your last date? What was it like?
What kind of men do you like?
How long was your longest relationship?
Why didn’t you stay if you thought when you started dating him that there was a future there?
So why do you think none of your relationships have worked out?
When your relationships end, do you end it, orr is it the other way around? Or is it 50/50?
How do you act when you’re attracted to someone?
What were your hesitations about meeting me?
How does this date with me compare to other dates you’ve had? (subtext; Please compliment me!)
How do I compare in person and via message in the app?
What was your first impression of me on the app? (subtext; Please compliment me!)
(And every woman’s favorite) So you never wanted kids then?
And finally, I don’t know how this date is going. How do you feel it’s going?
It felt to me that he was essentially asking What’s wrong with you?
I thought on his last question about how the date was going, trying to think of a polite answer. “You seem nice” I lied, “and I appreciate that you are actually asking questions, but I don’t feel a romantic chemistry between us.”
The questions stopped then. He did not thank me for my honesty even though he’d just gone on and on about how we’re adults and if things don’t work out when you’re dating someone, we’ll both survive, and honesty was important and he appreciated directness.
At the end of the date I realized how much I was sweating; How this experience was the complete opposite of fun and interesting; How I felt judged with every question, whether or not that was his intention; How little I cared to answer any of these questions and how I actually found them really boring along with uncomfortable; How the more he asked, the higher my wall went up and the more I wanted to learn nothing about him or share anything else about myself with him. He wasn’t entirely rude, to be clear. He just went on a really strange roll with his line of questioning. I do believe it’s important to talk about past experiences, but at first I think it’s OK to simply talk about interests you may have in common.
Laughter is important. Laughter is joyous. There was none of that. Not a titch of it.
He did say something about his ex-wife leaving him (for someone else) and how he feels about that. “When you love someone, you let them go”
It was pretty much the only thing that came out of his mouth that I could agree with.
I deleted my online dating profile right after pulling into my carport.